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The Harpers react to the election
Again, with the Harpers mirroring real life, the family has a post-mortem after the stunning election victory of Donald Trump as the president. Of course, his biggest supporter, villainous Jennifer Barrett is truly ecstatic about the victory of her candidate, and because of her gloating, makes her a prime enemy of the staunchly Democrat Harper family! Scene Dylan's Townhome. The family is involved in a post-mortem after the absolutely acrimonious Presidential election. Their candidate, Hillary Clinton was defeated by political novice, Donald Trump. While Hillary won Massachusetts, which was not surprising, and most of New England, a good swath of the country voted for Trump. Hannah, visiting her brother and sister, Dylan and Sheila, is completely appalled. HANNAH: I have never been more angered in my life. DYLAN: You don't have to convince us, Hannah. We're both as angered as you are. SHEILA: How could that happen? DYLAN: A lot of ways and a lot of plotting. Deceitful plotting no doubt. (Enter: Courtney Sue, who was visiting with an explosively angry Ashley.) COURTNEY SUE: Hi, Aunt Hannah. HANNAH: How are you, sweetheart? COURTNEY SUE: I am fine, but Ashley is on the rampage. (offstage, Ashley is enraged) ASHLEY (screaming): I HATE DONALD TRUMP! I DESPISE HIM! HE IS A CROOK, A LIAR AND A THIEF! DYLAN: I don't blame her. HANNAH: Maybe I should go up there and talk to her? SHEILA: That would be good. (Hannah gets up and goes to talk to an upset Ashley) COURTNEY SUE: How could it happen? HOW? DYLAN: As I said, a lot of wicked plots and conniving. Also very low voter turnout and too many third party candidates taking the vote from her. COURTNEY SUE: Wow. How do you know all that, Uncle Dylan? DYLAN: I took some government classes in high school and took a refresher course in college. SHEILA (smiling affectionately): And, my dear, your Uncle could teach me a thing or two. COURTNEY SUE: Why did you not run for office, uncle Dylan? You'd be good at it. DYLAN: I never saw the need to. I don't really want to put the family in such a glaring spotlight. Besides, being Harpers, we're enough in the limelight as it is. COURTNEY SUE: You're right on that one, Uncle. Maybe we'd be better out of politics. DYLAN: Well, not quite, honey. Just because I don't want to, doesn't mean that you or Ashley couldn't when you get older. Hillary was a pioneer. She ran and nearly got it, and that should be good for you. COURTNEY SUE: You're right, Uncle Dylan. I don't know if I would, but I am sure Ashley would. DYLAN (smiling affectionately): Yes, she is our resident feminist. COURTNEY SUE: I hope Aunt Hannah can get through to her. SHEILA: I am sure she will. (Cut to: Upstairs, Ashley's room. Ashley is furious, and tears are falling from her eyes.) ASHLEY: How could it happen, Aunt Hannah? HANNAH: The country chose him. Granted it was one of the STUPIDEST choices I have ever seen in my life, but it was their choice. The democratic process worked, even if it didn't work out the way we wanted it. ASHLEY: I feel betrayed. HANNAH: I know you do, sweetie. You threw your energy into this campaign. But your daddy's right. There were a lot of factors. Mainly low-voter turnout. ASHLEY: You're right. Thanks, Aunt Hannah. HANNAH: You're welcome, sweetheart. Back downstairs in the main hall. Enter Mrs. Amberson, followed by Yvonne Wadian. Both servants (Mrs. A serves as housekeeper/lady's maid; while the recently hired Yvonne is Michelle's lady's maid; Marilyn hired a part-time lady's maid named Marie), they are in a panic. COURTNEY SUE: What is wrong? YVONNE: There is someone on the porch. She is busy gloating from the sounds of it. SHEILA (groaning): And I just bet I know who it is. MRS. AMBERSON: I believe I do too, ma'am. We should confront the wicked woman! COURTNEY SUE: Who? DYLAN: Jennifer Barrett. She made a huge show out of supporting him. COURTNEY SUE: Wow, no wonder Ashley was so upset. I really do not like her. MRS. AMBERSON: Nobody here does, love. DYLAN: Mrs. A, can you take Courtney Sue back upstairs. So she can hang out with Cathy? MRS. AMBERSON: Certainly sir. Come along, darling. COURTNEY SUE: All right. See ya, Uncle Dylan, Aunt Sheila. SHEILA: See you later, sweetie. (They go on the porch and see Jennifer gloating.) JENNIFER (in a sheer mocking tone): Isn't it just a LOVELY day? The sun is shining and the birds are singing and all is RIGHT with the world! The operative word being RIGHT! We have A NEW President! A REAL He-Man president! The one and only Donald Trump! How's that sticking in your craw?! (She laughs in scorn) SHEILA (disgusted): You really are a poor winner, aren't you, bitch?! JENNIFER: The operative word being WINNER! And I'' am on the winning team! And you are LOSERS! (she taunts them like a five year old) Loser, loser, loser! (She laughs in scorn once again) DYLAN: You did not get him into office all by yourself, you stupid woman! JENNIFER (her ego overflowing, and lying once again): Oh, yes I did! SHEILA: You egotistical bitch! JENNIFER: I may well be an egotistical bitch, but Trump has put the WHITE back into White House! (She again laughs in sheer scorn) SHEILA (enraged): You racist SLUT! ''(She furiously slaps Jennifer) JENNIFER: You have no right to slap me in the face! SHEILA: Shut up! JENNIFER: I will beat you up! DYLAN: Don't you threaten my sister! Get your ass to steppin', bitch! I don't ever want to see you around this house again! You come around here again, and I will have you thrown in jail?! JENNIFER: Oh, really? You think you can scare me like that? DYLAN: Oh, I KNOW we can! And here is the proof! (Immediately, a security guard comes up. HE grabs her and forces her off the property.) GUARD: What should I do, sir? DYLAN: Get her out of here! I do not want to have her around this neighborhood. She is hereby BANNED from this property! If I had my way, I would have her banned from Beacon Hill, but I don't have that power, but I CAN protect the property that our family owns! I want it made clear that she is NOT to be on this property, or ANY Harper owned property. If she is even SEEN on a bench that is owned by Harper Worldwide, then she is to be arrested on the spot! GUARD: All right, sir. (Jennifer is hauled off screaming and yelling.) JENNIFER:' You will not get away with this! I will call Donald Trump and he will fix you! I only have to make one call to him, and he will demolish you but GOOD!' (Sheila marches down the sidewalk to the offensive Jennifer) SHEILA: You damned BITCH! You will NEVER do that! You know why you will not do that?! Because I don't think you even KNOW Trump! We may not like him OR his policies, but he has worked with us in the past! We had to take him to court to recoup money from him, but he is rather nice when he isn't such an idiot. He has told us, rather categorically, that he does NOT like you! He will NOT do your dirty work! We may not like him, but we DO respect one another. It's respect from years of business. He has our respect, we have his, although everything else clashes. JENNIFER (heaving): What?! But Nadia Lawrence, one of my oldest friends, told me......! SHEILA (scoffing): Nadia Lawrence! Another liar! JENNIFER: She is a lovely woman! She and Max Lauris are pillars of the community! (Enter Jamie Crawford! He is FURIOUS!) JAMIE: Again with the lying, Jennifer Barrett?! You are a liar! Those two had a hand in murdering my first husband! JENNIFER (cackling): Say good bye to your marriage, fag! Trump and Pence will eliminate that! You will be SECOND CLASS again! Oh, how I love Donald Trump! (Enraged, Jamie glared at her. His eyes are filling with tears. Enter Anngelique. She senses that her brother has been insulted, and given Jennifer's smug look and the tears coming to her brother's eyes, it is clear that she had done it. She kicks her in the shin!) ANNGELIQUE (sweetly): That is what you get for insulting my brother's marriage! JENNIFER (screaming): GOD DAMN IT! I WILL KILL YOU ALL! DONALD TRUMP WILL HELP ME!!!!! HE WILL! HE WILL!! HE WILL!!!! DAMN YOU ALL! I WILL BE THE WINNER! WHEN EVERYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU, AND YOUR LIVES ARE IN RUINS! I WILL STAND OVER THE SMOKING REMAINS OF YOUR LIVES, AND I WILL BE WEARING THE LOVELIEST SMILE ON MY LOVELY LIPS! I WILL HAVE FINALLY WON OVER YOUR DAMNED FAMILY! I WILL WIN!!!!!!! DAMN YOU ALL! I AM JENNIFER BARRETT! AND EVERYBODY LOVES ME!!!!!!!! ANNGELIQUE (contemptuously): Oh, shut up, you piece of shit! Get it through your damned head, NOBODY loves you, you egotistical liar! (She kicks her in the other shin!) JENNIFER: Why you.......! (The guard grabs her and throws her to the sidewalk!) ANNGELIQUE: GET out of here, bitch! I don't care what the hell happens to you! I hope someone gets you, and when they do, Karma will be a bitch towards you, as you have been a bitch towards everyone else! JENNIFER: That will never happen! I will be crowned the queen of the world! Because I am! (Mrs. Amberson comes out, and without batting an eye, slaps Jennifer in the face!) MRS. AMBERSON: Get. Out. Of. Here! JENNIFER: You stupid evil bitch! You are a loser! You should be fired. You are a mere servant! Nothing more! You are less than nothing to me! DYLAN: You have no right to talk down to her! She is more family to me than YOU will ever be! I am ordering you for the last time, you will leave these premises, or it will be ME that hits ya! JENNIFER: Ha, like you could! A gentleman never strikes a lady! DYLAN: There is one thing wrong with that! You are NO lady! SHEILA: Maybe he can't hit you, you slut, but I can, and I WILL! (Jennifer, scared of Sheila, grabs her coat and runs off. Everyone relaxes. The scene fades) Category:Episodes Category:Hall of Fame Episodes Category:Episodes featuring Dylan and Sheila Category:Episodes featuring Anngelique Minzell Category:Catfight episodes